Author: basilnet

i just want to have my art in a gallery or something but i don’t think im good enough

i have moments where i know i am NOT being as logical as i usually am, and i am aware of it, but the emotions still take over and warp reality to the point where i don’t know what to believe. i want to be listened to but also reasoned with. in that vulnerable state it is easy for me to spiral into either self hatred or resentment with whatever is bothering me and both of those aren’t ideal. – what i need is co-regulation. not someone telling me im “not doing anything wrong” and possibly validating a thought that could lead to resentment. i tend to take a persons words as their perspective or opinion, so just saying things to lift my mood, often doesn’t work or just leads me into this weird self pity spiral. or to contrast that, someone ignoring a meltdown/shutdown causing me to believe i am a big ol’ sobbing burden, leading to self hatred. I also want to be told if i am being unreasonable or unfair. i only know my own brain, and if the way im analyzing a situation isn’t fair, i want to know so i can adjust. Of course i don’t expect ANYONE to just know to do this, Ander just kind of naturally does. He doesn’t overreact when I start to spiral, asks me what i’d like (hug, space, talking about it, or just sitting together while it passes) which allows me to process it while still knowing i am safe and loved, and he tells me when he thinks im being to harsh, because sometimes i just can’t tell but it is never my intention, i just have to rebalance the scale in my head. – I know i do all these things to others when they areupset. I know my sister responds well to it, often needing just some co-regulation to get through a tough brain moment. I do hope people learn to communicate more honestly without shame, it is how we will live together peacefully. – here’s some rocks i balanced yesterday.

i slept all day yesterday, i think i needed it. i would wake up, eat some strawberries then fall back asleep. whenever i have days like that, i can’t help but feel like the novel “my year of rest and relaxation”. a mix of, i need this, but is this truly what i need. – i made it out of bed by 8:30 AM this morning, immediately made the bed. took me a while to get dressed and making my coffee and breakfast. i think i left the house by 9:30AM. – i made my little cold brew, milk and the caramel i made the other night. a sandwich too, on ciabatta my mom got for us, an egg, arugula, a few grape tomatoes and some dry herb seasoning. tastes good, feels good.

– i made it to my parents house, and my precious vegetable garden. there were two red strawberries i picked. everything is sprouting and blooming and it brings me pure serotonin. there’s a dove nest in the honeysuckle tree, i will leave them some seeds right below.

after a couple hours with my baked clay and the dremel tool

i think we just streamed for 9 hours. it was so fun though, we got a couple of good people in our discord and we made some clay stuff, and food. we’re sleepy now. i put on a face mask and then we will watch tv and sleep.

just sewed up eevees butt, too much stress being on my keychain, i’ll keep sewing you up!!!

a while ago, our upstairs neighbor Tim’s girlfriend told me she has a bunch of extra gardening supplies she doesn’t ever use, and asked if i’d like them. i said yes of course! i’ll never say no to some free things! i’ll use it for something! anyway, that was a while ago, but yesterday, after having a rough day at work. I found this!

ifresh for seaweed. we got a mango and pear. publix for energy syrup for ander and maybe some coca cola for us tonight.
we’re making spam musubi for the week tonight!