i have moments where i know i am NOT being as logical as i usually am, and i am aware of it, but the emotions still take over and warp reality to the point where i don’t know what to believe. i want to be listened to but also reasoned with. in that vulnerable state it is easy for me to spiral into either self hatred or resentment with whatever is bothering me and both of those aren’t ideal. – what i need is co-regulation. not someone telling me im “not doing anything wrong” and possibly validating a thought that could lead to resentment. i tend to take a persons words as their perspective or opinion, so just saying things to lift my mood, often doesn’t work or just leads me into this weird self pity spiral. or to contrast that, someone ignoring a meltdown/shutdown causing me to believe i am a big ol’ sobbing burden, leading to self hatred. I also want to be told if i am being unreasonable or unfair. i only know my own brain, and if the way im analyzing a situation isn’t fair, i want to know so i can adjust. Of course i don’t expect ANYONE to just know to do this, Ander just kind of naturally does. He doesn’t overreact when I start to spiral, asks me what i’d like (hug, space, talking about it, or just sitting together while it passes) which allows me to process it while still knowing i am safe and loved, and he tells me when he thinks im being to harsh, because sometimes i just can’t tell but it is never my intention, i just have to rebalance the scale in my head. – I know i do all these things to others when they areupset. I know my sister responds well to it, often needing just some co-regulation to get through a tough brain moment. I do hope people learn to communicate more honestly without shame, it is how we will live together peacefully. – here’s some rocks i balanced yesterday.
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